Hey Kevin (and other big shot festival promoters), it’s Robb.
Again.
I know, I know… your people say you’re “incredibly busy” and “not interested in my half baked diatribes” but lemme just cook for a second here, okay?
For the past half decade or so, everyone has been eatin’ good from the nostalgia buffet and look man, I get it! I’d do the same thing if I had Bert McCracken on speed dial and the backing of big skate shoe (who are heavily invested in selling more checkered vans). But in the name of self preservation, we need to look to the future. For the first 20 or so years of warped, the major draws centered around stuff that was fairly fresh and new. yes, there has been legacy acts but they always seemed to be done out of respect of the old heads.
I expect that from the When We Were Youngs and other nostalgia Fyre Fests but Warped should be for the youth. Any semi well adjusted adults my age SHOULD roll their eyes at it, because what the fuck does a normal 36 year old know about what’s cool? I’m more tapped in than any self respecting middle aged white guy should be, and I got no clue what these kids are talking about.
The music business, much like life, is similar to the professional wrestling business. It’s all entertainment! For every MCR or John Cena, there are hundreds of independent bands and wrestlers grinding around the country DIY style. Many times, the only reason they’re performing in front of 80 people instead of 8,000 is they simply haven't been given the opportunity. In today’s economic landscape it’s safer to stretch the last few dollars out of The Black Parade than it is to search around New Jersey for the next Frank Lero. Easier to bring in Ronnie “The Rock” Radke than it is to take a chance and take the time to cultivate your next bell cow.
The major festivals, publications and institutions are the WWE (or AEW) in this (already kind of a stretch) analogy. What I mean by that is they bring levels of legitimacy to their performers. The only thing stopping a band from being the next big thing is the semi organized push to make them the next big thing. So now here’s my idea:
We’re gonna put the strap on Bret Hart.
Okay, fine, I’ll stop the stupid wrestling thing (I’m watching WrestleMania X right now, sorry).
That being said here’s what I, an armchair critic who has never done anything remotely close to this, would do if I were in charge of booking the Vans Warped Tour in future years. Keep up, I don’t want to repeat myself:
We all know tickets to this are going to sell before the lineup comes out. Yes, the capacity is high so they don’t immediately sell out and I’m sure the artist announcements do lead to little sales spikes, but for the most part the brand is the draw. People go to Vans Warped Tour because the festival has built up trust and goodwill with their fans.
Let's get a little fiscal for a second. I’m not much of a financial advisor or economist but I’m guessing you pay a very pretty penny to book some of the larger acts. The All Time Lows, The Fallings in Reverse, The Days To Remember, Machine Gun Kelsey. Let’s play it super safe and say two of these combined cost $100k.
What if instead of giving that money to Alex Gaskarth and Avril, you put a Hot Mulligan, @Arm's Length and/or @saturdays at your place in that spot. You MAKE them the main attraction by presenting them as such.
Look, nobody had a fucking clue who Benson Boone was, but they put that mf on the television and he hits a backflip like the guy leading the band at a dueling pianos bar and people think he’s Dave Bowie. @Taking Back Sunday is great and all, but having them play a prime slot in 2026 is the equivalent of having The Descendents in that same spot in 2006. I love Milo Goes To College as much as the next SoCal punk, but it might as well have been Milo Goes To His Colonoscopy appointment to the youth of 2006.
Every generation wants their own music. Yes, everyone loves the classic, but part of the magic of music is discovery. How much fun can it be to find something your parents already found? Those mfs are dorks (sorry mom, it’s a hypothetical RIP).
Right now there’s a large (alternative) cultural divide, a divide that has existed since the first semblance of punk rock was created and people started arguing about it on whatever the pre-Internet version of message boards or social media was (I’m old but I’m not that old baby). I’m talking about the divide between the more “mainstream” alternative music (i.e. elder emo marketed music and metalcore and warped-core) and the more DIY stuff going on in emo and hardcore specifically.
This gap has obviously always existed, but frankly I think the mainstream side has been juiceless for a minute because they are afraid to pluck out the cream of the DIY crop and give them the chance. It’s easier to stick with the sure thing. But that sure thing has an expiration date and if you lose a generation or two because you’re too busy catering to the crowd that saw "Dick In A Box" happen live, there might not be any coming back.
Invest in the future of the scene and the future of your own finances. Eventually my generation is gonna be too old for this shit, make sure future generations are invested by giving said generation's bands the bag and the chance to carry the ball. Part of cultivating the scene is ensuring future crop growth (bands are the vegetables).
At any rate, obviously you're not gonna take any of this advice and it probably wasn’t worth the 45 minutes of pacing and poking at my phone that it took to write this all down. But then again, instead of complaining and critiquing, maybe I should just throw my own fest?
Nah, that’s crazy. Keep doing your thing, big dawgs!
Signed,
Robb Laffoon
P.S. Also maybe we go out of our way to not book the dudes with unresolved allegations, just an idea! Gotta wash off that front porch stink!