ZOMG!!!1! RAWR ROBB HERE!! JUST GOT DONE DOING SOME TOTALLY RANDOM PLANKING THAT WAS TOTAL AMAZEBALLS FOR KONY 2012 AND NOW IM HEADED TO THE MALL FOR SOME FUNKO POPS AT THE GAMESTOP!!! I MISS MIDNIGHT RELEASES THOSE USED TO PWN SO HARD!!
Okay, now that we’ve scared away everyone except the target audience, let me talk to my fellow millennials for a bit.
Hi guys. I’m Robb, and I am one of you and I’m here to help. Look, I’m 36 and I have two kids and a general lack of excitement for anything the way I used to. I know most of us have had trouble latching on to new bands this side of the Obama administration, so I’m gonna do the best I can to suggest some bands that I think you will love. Partly to keep the scene alive, partly to stop gen z from clowning on us because I don’t like it!
Anyways, without further ado here we go:
kerosene heights - blame it on the weather
The biggest issue I have when I go back to the emo bands of our youth is that I do not relate to the, shall we say, incel slash misogynistic nature of a lot of the lyrics. Honestly, I didn’t love it then. You’d never guess this but I was always pretty decent at talking to girls so a lot of the angry lyrics of 2000s hot topic emo feels a little cringe to me.
Kerosene Heights are one of many current bands that maintain the edge musically, but lyrically, my god Chance is a motherfucking YEARNER. New Tattoo is my song of the year, it’s a beautiful love song he wrote for his wife (That’s right, he’s a wife guy! Helluva lot better than being a teenager guy, so we can listen without the ethical dilemma). The song ends with a massive bass breakdown that kicks you in your chosen genital region. Front to back though, truly an incredible record. As they say, it RIPS. Kerosene Heights summer might be over, but 2025 belongs to them when it’s all said and done.
Much like Kerosene Heights, Summerbruise are a yearner band. Imagines the Weakerthans if they watched too much wrestling. That’s Summerbruise. Between the anxious self deprecating lyrics, the wrestling references and the power pop tendencies, this is a band I’d describe as “Robb Coded”. Highly recommend the tracks “Rusev Day” and “Man, I Feel Like a Dumbass!”.
AREN’T WE AMPHIBIANS - PARADE! PARADE!
Okay so I may have been born in Hawaii and graduated HS in Canada, but in my heart I am a San Diegan til I die. Americas Finest City with a rich history of musical exports: Drive Like Jehu, Blink-182, Stone Temple Pilots, PTV, RFTC, Weatherbox, Wavves, I could go on for days.
Well they can all move tf over because Aren’t We Amphibians are here to add their name to that list.
We had the privilege of getting our hands on this album before it came out and the only notes I could muster were a litany of “WTF”s scattered on a page. It’s the best of the noodle mathematical midwestern emo meets the raw aggression of 4th wave emo meets the dark despair of 3rd wave legends like Thursday or the redacted band. Forgiving Jeff is a top 5 track of the year, and given that this is their debut album I really wouldn’t be surprised to see them become major players in the genre for the rest of the decade.
Ahhh, my favorite record of the 2020s and the one that reignited my love for music. This is a record written by a guy who was, for all intents and purposes, essentially a child at the time. Combat frontman Holden is 21-22 now but he was 17-18 at the time, so this feels extra special. Like watching highlights of LeBron James in HS, you know you’re witnessing something special but in time they could be in GOAT conversations..
Front to back, the album is an experience that packs so much more wisdom than it has any business having, given the age of the artists. The title track will grab you immediately, but it’s the album closer, Weird Ending Explained pt 2 that will sell you forever. Imagine a more introspective version of The Decline by NOFX. Stay Golden feels like an instant classic that will stand the test of time and I will push it in the face of anyone who will listen forever.
Thanks for listening, part 2 coming soonish.